One of my most popular workshops covers the sometimes difficult process of dealing with difficult people and situations. That tells you everything you need to know about our industry. If you’ve been in it for more than a day, you know people can be challenging. If you’ve been in it for more than a week, you know that’s the understatement of the century.
Over the years, I’ve learned that most conflicts can be resolved if you manage your own emotions first, communicate strategically instead of reactively, and follow up properly afterward. These skills work. You can resolve most issues by applying them consistently. Most of the time.
But sometimes, members don’t change. They escalate, repeat violations and create chaos for your staff and other members. At some point the question isn’t whether you can fix the situation, but whether you should keep trying.
This is hard for our industry. We got into fitness to help people, to serve people, to take care of people. We celebrate transformation and believe in second chances. The idea of firing someone runs counter to everything that drew most of us to this work. But protecting your team sometimes means letting someone go, even when everything in you wants to give them another chance.
Here’s when you should fire a member and how to do it right.
Recognize when it’s time
Early in my career, I lived by the rule that “the member is always right.” I bent over backward to accommodate everyone. I made excuses for bad behavior and convinced myself that one more conversation would fix it.
However, the rule isn’t necessarily true. The member isn’t always right. Some behaviors — disrespecting staff, deliberate destruction of property, refusing to follow safety rules after warnings — cross lines that can’t be uncrossed. Racist, sexist or discriminatory behavior can likewise contribute to creating an environment in which other members feel unsafe.
Here’s what I learned the hard way: when you accommodate one bad member, you’re failing to accommodate everyone else. Your best staff members leave because they’re tired of being disrespected while you do nothing. Good members quietly cancel because they don’t want the drama. Your culture erodes because everyone sees that bad behavior will be tolerated.
Trust your gut. If you’re hoping a specific member doesn’t show up today, that’s your answer. If your staff groans when that member walks in, that’s your answer. If you’re making excuses for that member, that’s your answer.
Document everything
Early on, I didn’t always write things down. I’d have a conversation with a problem member, think it was handled, and move on. Then the behavior would repeat, and I’d realize I had no record of the first incident. That was a mistake. The moment you recognize a pattern, start documenting.
This serves two critical purposes. First, it’s CYA. If a member claims you terminated them without cause, your documentation protects you. Second, it makes things black and white. Behavior issues can feel like opinions, and documentation eliminates that. When you write down each incident with dates, times, witnesses and exact behaviors, you can’t minimize it anymore.
Don’t use vague descriptions like “he was rude,” but rather specific details: “On March 15 at 2:30 p.m., a member called the welcome desk employee a derogatory name in front of three witnesses, including the manager on duty.”
Issue written warnings, and maintain copies of everything. Email is sufficient, though certified letters work even better for serious issues. If your member management software has a notes section, use it.
Review your membership contract. Most have clauses allowing termination for policy violations or threatening behavior. Know what yours says before you need it.
Have the conversation (or don’t)
I used to think I had to have a face-to-face conversation with everyone, no matter the issue. I felt like I owed them that, like anything less was cowardly. That’s not true, and it’s not safe. You don’t always owe someone a face-to-face conversation. If a member has been verbally abusive, physically threatening or created an unsafe situation, an email or letter is perfectly appropriate. You’re not obligated to subject yourself or your staff to another confrontation.
For less severe but chronic issues, a brief in-person conversation might make sense. Keep it short, factual and final. Have a witness. “We’re terminating your membership effective immediately. You’ve violated our facility policies on three separate occasions despite written warnings. Your membership agreement allows us to terminate for policy violations.” Don’t defend beyond the facts and don’t argue. This is a notification, not a negotiation.
Refund considerations depend on your contract and local laws. Technically, you might not owe a refund if your contract specifies that policy violations forfeit prepayment. But here’s my approach: I generally gave refunds just to get it done. The goal is to end this relationship cleanly and permanently. A few hundred dollars isn’t worth the legal hassle, the potential bad review or the ongoing drama. Consult with a lawyer about your obligations, but consider whether fighting over money is worth it.
Deactivate their account immediately, brief your staff on what to do if the person shows up and, in extreme cases, involve local authorities or issue a trespass warning.
Protect your team first
As I said, I used to live by “the member is always right.” Unfortunately, that mindset cost me good employees who watched me prioritize one toxic person’s membership over their safety and dignity, and they left. This is the most important point. Your staff is watching. When you tolerate abuse, you tell them they’re expendable, that their safety matters less than one membership fee. The fastest way to lose great employees is by failing to protect them from toxic members.
Before you fire a member, brief your team. Let them know what’s happening and what to do if the person shows up. After you fire someone, check in with the affected staff, acknowledge what they went through and show them their wellbeing matters.
If there’s any indication of potential retaliation, loop in security. In serious cases, notify the police or file for a restraining order. This isn’t paranoia. This is protecting your people.
Remember: this isn’t about one member. It’s about everyone else. Your good members deserve a safe environment, and your staff deserves to work without harassment. Your culture depends on you maintaining standards.
The bottom line
Firing a member is not fun. I hated it. Most operators wait way too long to do it because we want to believe we can fix every situation. But here’s what I learned: every single time I finally fired someone, I immediately wished I’d done it sooner. The tension lifts. The relief your team feels is palpable. The realization of how much damage one person was causing becomes abundantly clear.
Holding onto toxic members because you’re afraid of confrontation or worried about revenue loss costs you more than you realize. Every day you delay is another day your staff questions whether you have their backs, good members wonder why bad behavior is tolerated and your culture deteriorates.
Your facility should be a place where people feel welcome, safe and respected. When you protect one person who violates that, you fail everyone else. Some people forfeit the privilege of being there through their own behavior. If you have someone right now who fits this description, start documenting their behavior today. Review your contract, make a plan and follow through. Your team is counting on you. And when you finally do it, you’ll wonder what took you so long.
