Blog: Serving Notice to Your Clueless Customers

Just when we think we've seen it all, we realize we haven't. Allow us to rephrase that: Just when we think we've smelled it all.

Yes, someone recently smoked pot in the men's locker room. It certainly got some members excited ("We didn't know you guys offered that!"), but as owners, we face the more mundane task of deciding how to prevent a recurrence of the problem. Our question: Do we need to put up a sign that says, "PLEASE DON'T SMOKE POT IN THE HEALTH CLUB"?

Actually, it appears we do. If recent history is any guide, we'll have to print that one up, along with these:

• NO SEX IN THE POOL, PLEASE The best part of that incident was how the member who witnessed it reported it to the front desk staff. She said, "I don't mean to be a bother, but there is a couple having sex in the pool and I feel a little uncomfortable in there." A little uncomfortable? Try being the one who had to tell them to knock it off.

• NO HANGING UPSIDE DOWN IN THE SQUAT RACK This sign would be for the guest who pulled the monkey-bar maneuver on a quiet Saturday afternoon. No gravity boots or anything. Just her, dangling like a lawsuit waiting to happen. She sweetly explained that she "always" does that. Fortunately, she never joined.

• NO SHOWER CURTAINS = PLEASE DO NOT SHOWER We had announced (and put up signs) well ahead of time that the showers in the women's locker room would be unavailable during re-grouting. We put up yellow caution tape. We took down the shower curtains. And yet, a member took a freakin' shower and ruined the grout work.

This beat out the member who, while we were resurfacing the pool deck, moved furniture out of the way, took down caution tape, unlocked the door, turned on the lights and walked on the deck in order to swim. He was shocked - shocked! - to learn that the pool was closed.

Is there a lesson in these incidents? Maybe. Keep your sense of humor. You never know what will happen when dealing with the public. The best-laid plans of mice and men are usually equivalent. We're not sure we'll go through with this, but we're thinking of posting this sign:

SHOWER UNDER REPAIR: PLEASE DON'T SMOKE A JOINT WHILE HAVING SEX UPSIDE DOWN WITHOUT A CURTAIN